Daily Remarkable Drama

My mom says life is daily. And I guess she is right. As I was rocking Erin to sleep I thought, today was a good day. Nothing remarkable happened. I didn't win the lottery. There were no major dramas. We didn't sell the Explorer. It was just a good day. A good solid day.

But, if you change your perspective even just a little you realize that daily days are remarkable days. For instance, I rocked Erin to sleep tonight. That in and of itself is remarkable! Daily yes, but remarkable as well. Erin is alive and thriving and I have the previlage of watching the daily drama of her life. Crawling, crying, smiling, babbling, standing, walking... I have a daughter...

REMARKABLE!

I am thankful for daily days in so many ways. I know people who thrive on drama in their lives and I am glad that is not me. I like the kind of drama I have in my life. I like that life is daily. Daily and remarkable at the same time.

Today

Some things I did today.

• Woke up and begged Curt to get up with Erin so I wouldn't have to. It didn't work.
• Drank coffee. Thank God for coffee. Yes, I am an addict.
• I can't afford to feed myself, but I can always afford a cup of coffee. I'd say my priorities are a little out of whack.
• Thought about the lyrics to Usher's "Yeah." Um, yeah, dirty, but I really like the song. "Little John's got the beat to make your booty go...**whack**"
• Considered putting the laundry away and then made up an excuse as to why I couldn't. Today it was because Erin was asleep.
• Why is putting the laundry away so frickin' difficult to do, but folding it isn't that bad???
• Day dreamed about winning the lottery.
• Decided that every blog from now on needs to have a picture. I like pictures.

On that note. Here is today's picture. I wanted something to make you laugh and I think this should do it. Our good friend Mikey road tripped with Curtis twice. Once from Oregon to Chicago. Once from Chicago to Oregon. Needless to say the trips were challenging. On the first one the "cabrio-gay" broke down and they had to drive in September with the heater on high the whole way. Anyway, he did this on photoshop and we think it is absolutely hilarious! Hope you enjoy!

E. Hope

I have considered writing about a number of different topics on this blog. I ponder these subjects during the day between napping, eating and duecing. (I like this word better than popping.) Sorry..., so I think of all these deep subjects, but then the end of the day comes and I finally have time to write and I completely forget what those things were. Am I losing my mind? Have I lost my depth? I don't want to lose my depth. Wait..., did I ever have depth?

Can all I write about is Erin? Maybe the answer is yes. She fills my day. All of it. And she breathes life into me. She reminds me of hope and what it is to want something so badly it hurts. I mean really hurts. I still cry when I even for moment stop to digest the FACT that she is my daughter! I have a daughter! Truly hope is alive and lives in her very life.

I read a note to Erin from my best friend today. It made me cry... again. (Crap, how many times is that now...a bakers dozen? You'd think I could buck up a little.) I can't wait to read these notes to Erin from those who love us and her. I long for it. I hope for it.

Hope is a funny thing. Hard to describe, yet when you feel it you are intimate with it. You know it completely and it knows you back. Yet then it can disappear so quickly. How is that possible? I am so thankful I have a physical representation of hope. If hope seems distant right now... hold on. It will show itself again. Really, it will. Don't get stuck in this moment. The next one could be, will be great!

Thanks God for hope.

Erin and Puking

Well, Curt and I had the joy of dealing with the parentlal duty of puke. Puke on the carpet, on the couch pillows, on pj's, on us. The whole 9. Poor thing just couldn't stop. The doctor says we are in the middle of a flu epidemic. Oh joy!

Wish I had something more insightful to share, but all that is really going on here is puke. I could come up with some deep and spiritual medaphore, but that just wouldn't be me right now, so I won't.

This picture was taken when Erin was well, but she looks a little sick in it, so that is why you get to see it. The one or two of you (Eve, Jackie) who read this.

Em

Random

Just a few obeservations and thoughts...

• I saw Hootie and the Blowfish on Sesame Street today. No, I am not kidding. They were singing aobut crossing the street... "Hold my hand..."
• I guess it is better than the Burger King commercial they did.
• Did you know that when you have a kid you actually have to schedule time to take a duece? Really, it is true.
• I love coffee so much.
• Dreamed of, Dreampt of (how do you spell that?) anyway had a dream about Brodie. It made me sad.
• Les Miserables is the most incredible story ever! 24601. It is a story of grace and it moves me everytime I think of it or listen to the sound track. (Which by the way Curtis despises.)

That is about it. I know I have more to say, I've thought about it prior to writing this, but at this moment all thought eludes me. I need a nap and so I am going to go and take one.

McDookie and a Fan

Yeah, Drew. Erin is cheering you on!

I Grieve

There is a part of them that feels I shouldn't feel so much. I didn't know Laurie like others did so I feel I don't have the right to shed too many tears or grieve as others do. Yet, I think of Laurie often. Very often. I met some people when I was on vacation in Colorado and I was telling them I used to work in youth ministry. Laurie was the first think I thought of. For a moment I was taken away from the top of that hill and transported to my own little arena where sadness and anger collide. Could they see it on my face? That I wasn't there with them at all. I was somewhere else. Yet, I could say nothing. I couldn't say, and oh, by the way, when I was in ministry there was this amazing girl and recently she took her own life. None of us understand why.

And it hit me then, if I was in ministry and she was a part of my "flock" then why didn't I stay in better contact? I feel in some small part resonsible. I didn't care for her as I should have. I feel sad and frightened. If it happened to Laurie Boncimino it could happen to anyone. To me. To Curt. To Erin. Oh, how I would grieve then.

Laurie, I miss you. Today I saw a picture of you and Drew together and for an instant I thought it was recent. Like none of this had happened and you were still here. Hugging Drew and smiling so the whole world would brighten. But, then the next instance came and reality set in. The image I was seeing was not recent. It wasn't yesterday or the day before. And I cried. I miss you.