I Grieve

There is a part of them that feels I shouldn't feel so much. I didn't know Laurie like others did so I feel I don't have the right to shed too many tears or grieve as others do. Yet, I think of Laurie often. Very often. I met some people when I was on vacation in Colorado and I was telling them I used to work in youth ministry. Laurie was the first think I thought of. For a moment I was taken away from the top of that hill and transported to my own little arena where sadness and anger collide. Could they see it on my face? That I wasn't there with them at all. I was somewhere else. Yet, I could say nothing. I couldn't say, and oh, by the way, when I was in ministry there was this amazing girl and recently she took her own life. None of us understand why.

And it hit me then, if I was in ministry and she was a part of my "flock" then why didn't I stay in better contact? I feel in some small part resonsible. I didn't care for her as I should have. I feel sad and frightened. If it happened to Laurie Boncimino it could happen to anyone. To me. To Curt. To Erin. Oh, how I would grieve then.

Laurie, I miss you. Today I saw a picture of you and Drew together and for an instant I thought it was recent. Like none of this had happened and you were still here. Hugging Drew and smiling so the whole world would brighten. But, then the next instance came and reality set in. The image I was seeing was not recent. It wasn't yesterday or the day before. And I cried. I miss you.